Sunday, 13 June 2010

Balls, Games, And Smug Trugs

You see, I come from the camp that I'll support my man 'all the way' if he's good to me, and treats me right. If it differs from that, then naturally, I won't hesitate to 'Move The Goalposts', so...."You watch as much Footie as you care to. You monopolise the remote to your hearts' content, but, expect me to lift my t-shirt up over my head when Engerland score a goal, and go running round the room like A Complete Loony, like I used to when you first started 'courting' me, and Arsenal did, you've got another think coming Trousers...." (mind you, Children - it WAS funny, but you did have to be there!) And I might just clear this up? Arsenal have never courted me.

But then, of course, once Your Man has been with you about ten years, you only become important again when the Scotch or Remote Control Batteries run low.

So I cheered me up yesterday evening by picking myself the second of our homegrown mini-cauliflowers...... Then this evening, one of my very own 'Smug Trugs' of stuff that I like to grow....
...... spending quality time in my kitchen preparing it, cooking it, and serving it up....
to possibly The Grumpiest Man on The Planet, on his lap.... (on a tray!) in front of the television.
It's a free country, and to be perfectly honest with you, anyone is welcome to apply for the position. I'm quite confident I'd not be missed.
It's not that I actively hate footie, or ball games in general, but I was rather relieved when Trousers went to bed last night, and I had the whole of 'Sense and Sensibility' in my Sitting Room all to myself with a glass of red wine, and between me and the cat, there wasn't a dry eye in the house! Now THAT's Entertainment for you!
Do you REALLY think Men are from Venus and Women are from Mars?!
or was is the other way around!
Thankfully, I've got my 'Newest Best Friend' coming round tomorrow to inject me with a shot more of her girlie humour, and hopefully, if the weather is kind, she may be able to take a shed-load of photos of the magnificent roses in The Funny Farm front garden, and Fert'n'Liza, and my Wellies On The Doorstep (for a special reason!). Last time she came round, I made the worst Vicky Sponge Cake you'd never want to introduce your Mother-In-Law to?, so I did promise Gloria that I'd attempt to make a different kind of cake this time. The time is currently 5 minutes after midnight, and if you're reading this now, there's a carparking space in Cheppie Tesco where the carrier bag gave way late this afternoon, sporting two eggs, and some granulated sugar Sweetheart. I was tempted to go back into the store to buy the butter and flour to add to them, but because I've had everyTHING and everyBODY 'completely up to here' this week, and no wooden spoon in my handbag, much like yourself, and in your own words last week, but a tad more printable, I asked and answered my own question in the same breath: ....: "Am I Bovvered?"!
Indeed I am 'Bovvered', and if you'll let me, I'll be back with you again during the next week sometime. Thank you for being here.X

Thursday, 10 June 2010

Horticultural Box of Spanners Right Now

I'm glad there's someone around here that's getting a good nights' sleep, because Wellie completely isn't.... ! My gardening cat has been guarding each and every Japanese Overwintering Onion, Red Baron Onion Set, White Onion Sets, Shallot Sets, Elephant and bog-standard ordinary Garlics, and the whole ruddy lot are going to seed.
Having spent a whole year getting my new kitchen garden licked into shape, and dreaming of drying strings of onions, shallots and garlics to drool over in the kitchen in the darkest months of the year, to create an extra inch or so to Trousers's waistline, there's going to be nothing....
Just how unfair is THAT kiddie-winkies, eh?!

Still. I'm brilliant at growing Blueberries, even if I say so myself. And whilst I did try and grow Cranberries last year (first year ever), like the Peaches and Nectarines, every single one just 'fell off', so I can only marginally improve on that this year, and it does give me something to aspire to!

I have to report to you, that I'm doing really really really well here with my striking cuttings of my 'armpit' tomato varieties, and to be perfectly honest, having visited a garden centre locally today with my Newest Bestest Friend, the quality of what they had for sale on the vegetable seedling front there, they should be truly ashamed of themselves. But that's Retail for you, clearly.....

Whereas us lot, people like you and me, because we truly care about every stage of a plants' growing life, from start to finish. Seed to Harvest, and beyond: Wellie LightYear!

So, let me be the first to congratulate you on what you are doing best in your garden, or on your allotment, because, actually, sometimes you think you're not doing well, and you really are doing much better than you think.
I think both you and me are doing great, so keep it up, and we'll touch base again soon.X

Sunday, 6 June 2010

Oh, It's all Kickin' Off Here My Friends!

Didn't I just tell you a while ago that our blog and our life is like a box of chocolates down here on The Funny Farm? Well, I hope you do indeedy believe me now......

The other week, Wellie's ankle got kissed by Roland Rat as she was watering the Blueberry and Cranberry tubs. But he seems to have declined our hospitality of a free meal this week.... which is annoying, because every time I pass by his home, I'm not sure if he's going to pop out and kiss my ankle again, which is unsettling when you have to cruise his neighbourhood fifty times a day!!!!

And taking Roland's place this week, a swarm of bees uninvited themselves into holes in the mortar on the front of the farmhouse, ending up in virtually every single room. To be perfectly honest, it was a novelty to start with..... but the novelty's kind of worn off now, and I'm bored of hoovering up dead bees, poor things.

The farmer's nephew very kindly came and placed a spec box (sp?) for them, but they just didn't warm to it, and late one afternoon, they all felt a little lonely, and called all their mates in from the surrounding neighbourhood to come have a party, I kid you not! The noise brought me, and the farmer in from the fields at the back, just to watch the swarm..... it was an incredible sight.

So,....Am I to assume that Kermit, Mrs. Kermit and their extended family are about to descend on us in the next seven days? or would it be the turn of Lucky & Lucinda Locusts this week?!

I'll try and make time for another blog update during the week if I can, to spoil you, but for the moment, I can triumphantly report that I have today 'earthed up' each and every one of my potato plants, and I now feel very saintly this Sunday, even though I've got a glass of something red on the desk in front of me.

Mind you, I did prick out nearly fifty Calabrese to The Sounds of The Seventies, with Johnny Walker, potted on 8 or so Sweet Peppers into bigger pots, planted all of my homegrown herbaceous bedding plants and courgette plants...... and I must just take this opportunity of apologising to my GORGEOUS man, Trousers, because I've been like a Bear with a sore head today, because I slept not at all last night.

Just where would Wellie be without Trousers and Radio 2?
Not in that order, obviously..... Ouch?!